Crazy Time with Emmett
by Sayuki-hime-no-Yumenohitsuzen
Summary: What Emmett does in his spare time!
1. A letter to Rosalie

Dear Rosalie,

Don't look for me I'm never coming back, I happily married to a monkey named Susan! I don't need anything in my life except my monkey husband, and toilet paper. I'm sorry I betrayed you, but I found out that I was gay in the monkey society! I have something that I have to tell you before I move on to my life as a gay monkey….

1-Jasper, Carlisle, and Sometime me, and guys in La Push and Forks, formed a group called man lovers, and we fell in love with Edward. We renamed the group Men who love Edward, and we made tee-shirts that say I heart Edward on it, and on the back we wrote man lovers!

2-We went to Port Angeles and we hooked up those guys who tried to attack Bella, and we had them join our group!

3-I was the one who broke your curling iron, and blamed it on Alice, because I liked it a lot. I used it to turn you on, because you like guys with curly hair!

4-I stole Bella red dress, and went night clubbing with Mike, because he's cute.

I'm Sorry…

You Ex-Husband,

Emmett

P.S. I don't have curly hair, I just use a Curling Iron!

P.S.S I replaced Edwards hair gel, with melted wax, when he was in the shower!


	2. Vaccum Adventure

Chapter 2: Vacuum Adventure (a.k.a )

_Italicized= Thoughts_

**Alice POV:**

**It was a regular Saturday at our house, which meant shopping! Suddenly, Emmett started to scream downstairs.**

**Emmett: There a monster attacking Esme!!**

**Me: Umm….Esme's Vacuuming the Carpet….**

**Emmett: you don't believe me! Look!**

_**Emmet Start pulling me upstairs**_

**Emmett: Here, that's it!**

_**He points at the vacuum**_

**Emmett: It has Glowing red eyes and its growling!**

_**Wow…Emmet can be a real idiot at time…**_

**Esme: Emmy, honey it's just a vacuum!**

**Emmett: No Momma, it's a monster!**

**Esme: No sweetie, it is a vacuum.**

**Emmett: Im Scared Momma**

**Me: …**

_**Suddenly, I hear a scream! Rosalie comes out of the room with Edward right behind her.**_

**Rosalie: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU EDWARD!!**

**Edward: Awe…..Little Woozy needs a hug?!**

**Rosalie: EDWARD!!!!**

**Edward: Bella?!**

_**Bella comes in, with Renesmee in her arms.**_

**Bella: What? I was just trying to burn a cat with my laser eyes!**

**Edward… honey you don't have laser eyes…**

**Bella: Yeah! I do! I'm a vampire now, aren't I?**

**Everyone: …**

**Renesmee: Daddy, Momma can be very scary at times… **

**Edward: I agree, Sweetie.**

**Emmett: Momma, call Carly, he make it go away!**

**Esme: Carly!!!**

_**My Jasper appears, sending calming waves through everyone. My man is so amazing!**_

**Rosalie: Calm…**

**Esme: Edward, learn something from Jasper! He's so mature and understanding!**

**Jasper: I'm a sea-monkey!**

**Edward: Pasha!**

_**Jasper, My Jasper starts dancing like Squidward! **_

**Bella: Alice, aren't we going shopping?**

**Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward joins in Squidward dance. **

**Edward: I'm squidward, squiward, squidward,squidward! **

**Me and Bella: …**

**Esme: This is going in the Family Bonding Book!**

_**Esme Starts dancing as well**_

**Emmet: I just wane…Shake my Butt!**

**Edward: Stop it Jasper!**

**Jasper: but…I get so lonely!**

_**Me and Bella decide to leave before it gets a little to explicit!**_


	3. Emmett and the Pillow!

Chapter 3: Emmett and the Pillow?!

Edward POV

_I was sitting at my piano, after Jasper made us dance like Squidward. I was just composing a high Alice- like song, when all the sudden someone's thought burst into my mind, it was very disturbing__. _

_**Thoughts: Oh..Ah….**_

_My first thought was … but I decided to check out Emmett room, which I would probably regret! _

Esme: Edward, do you know what that sound is?

Edward: I'll check it out…

_I walk into my room to be mortified! Emmett, my "favorite" brother, making out with an inanimate object, a pillow! _

Edward: Emmett, WTF?

Emmett: It's not what it looks like!

_I saw Emmett shocked, mortified, and humiliated! If he could blush he would look like a tomato!_

Emmett: Edward! Please don't tell Rosalie that I cheated on her with a pillow! She's still angry about the monkey incident!

_Jasper suddenly appeared._

Jasper: What up with all the emotions?!

Edward: Oh! Emmett was just…

Emmett: EDWARD!

Edward: I won't tell…for a price…

_Hmm…what should I make him do?_

_**Emmett's Thoughts: This is going to be bad, really bad!**_

Jasper: I'm going to star bucks! Bye!

Edward: You have to…


	4. Emmett Meets Someone Special

Ch.4- Being Macho and Eating Nachos

Emmett P.O.V.

_I was the chasing the dogs in central park, as usual, and then came a guy, a huge bulky guy, that was acting Macho. He was wearing a Black Mussel Shirt, Black Sunglasses, His hair was Blond and gelled, and he puffed out his chest as he walked. I recognized him instantly; he was my cartoon idol, Johnny Bravo! I walked to him. I stared in Shock and Awe; he just looked confused and looked back. Suddenly I felt connection; I knew that he was the one for me! I am going to have a hard time expressing this to Rosalie, but I didn't care! _

Emmett: Hi Johnny!

Johnny: Hey pretty mama!

_I must have giggled like an idiot, cause he looked turn on! In that moment, I felt that I would do anything for him, even turn him if I had to!_

Rosalie P.O.V

_Suddenly I heard the door bell ring, it was Emmett. I was confused! He never rang the door bell, he always jumped through the window! What was the matter, and who was that human nest to him! He was holding hands with that man! Don't tell me that he's going to turn gay again! I'm still pissed about the whole monkey incident._

The Man: Oh do I look good!

Emmett: Yes, you do!

The Man: Oh my god, you are so hot!

Emmett: Thank you!

_I could swear that Emmett was blushing! I was burning with rage! _

Emmett: I sorry Rosalie, I'm leaving you again!

Me: Oh, no you're not! You're grounded!

Emmett: Awe…

Rosalie: and you, you are never coming near my monkey man again!

_With that the Man got scared and I hope to see him never again!_


End file.
